thoughts on marriage

In just two short weeks (plus a couple of days) Scott and I will be getting married.  What started out to be a SMALL event, just a handful of people – most of whom would be my Dad and his side of the family – were expected to be invited, the anticipated size has grown to close to 50!  I was utterly stunned to receive an email from my Mom’s cousin Ron and his wife Diane saying that they were revising their summer plans in order to be in the area for the wedding!

The past couple of weeks we’ve made appointments with our pastor, arranged for a location… Castle Unicorn near Glenwood, Iowa, designed and printed invitations, and arranged for a cake.  This weekend, Scott and I will be picking out our wardrobe.  At this point, we’re planning on going the whole route and renting tuxedos… one of us will wear black, the other black pants with white coat.  Or so we think as of right now!  We still have to figure out the details of the reception itself (no champagne, bubbly cider instead.)

We are so excited by what’s about to happen.  We are getting married, as millions/billions of couples have for thousands of years.  But we’re also on the cusp of history.  We’re part of the MAKING of history.  That’s not lost on either of us.

But our joy is tempered today.  Yesterday, the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition H8.  I fully expected them to.  On the face of it, a court whose purpose is to interpret constitutional law, not impose it’s own will, had no other choice than to uphold this h8ful amendment to the constitution of California.  I am so happy that in doing so, the same court upheld the legitimacy of those 18,000 marriages performed prior to 11/4/2008.

What concerns me about this is the precedent set.  This proposition has permitted a small majority to relegate millions of people to second class status.  However you spin it, 4% is a small margin.  Frankly, in my opinion, far from protecting marriage from some imaginary threat, Proposition H8 diminishes marriage for all people, gay and straight alike.  It removes from the marital equation the concept of love, and limits the importance of marriage to mere biological breeding.

And I’d be less than truthful if I didn’t admit that the passing of Proposition H8 and it’s upholding by the CSS creates for me the spectre of what might occur in Iowa.  We now have legal same-sex marriage in this state.  So did California one year ago.  In Iowa, we know we have a minimum of three years before this right could face the vote of the people.

I have mixed emotions about that.  On the one hand, I do not believe my rights should ever hinge upon the will of a small majority of misguided people.  On the other hand, I also do not wish to prevent the people from addressing this situation.  The next three years must be, for us and for our allies, a time to educate everyone we know.  We can not afford to be silent.